doctor doctor

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mr.hutch

Well Known and Active Forum User
VOC Member
Limericks

As we have returned to to the world of the said ' Art Form',
how about ,


There was a young lady from Ealing,
Didn't like to hurt anyones' feelings,
when she saw on a door,
'PLEASE DON'T SPIT ON THE FLOOR',
she obligeingly spat on the ceiling.


Go with great care mr.hutch ;-)
 
A

Alan J

Well Known and Active Forum User
VOC Member
John, you "made my day"-can't get out on a bike, feeling a bit "cabin feverish"-it's difficult to "joke" about "the war", but you did it!!
 
C

Comet

Well Known and Active Forum User
VOC Member
SCOUSERS JOIN FERRARI

"The Ferrari F1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday."

This announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the British government's 'Work for your Dole' scheme and employ some Liverpudlian youngsters.
The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from Toxteth were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions of pounds worth of high tech equipment.

It was thought to be an excellent, bold move by the Ferrari management team as most races are won and lost in the pits, giving Ferrari an advantage over every other team.

However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for! At the crew's first practice session, not only was the scouse pit crew able to change all four wheels in under 6 seconds but, within 12 seconds, they had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the car to the Mclaren team for 8 cases of Stella, a bag of weed and some photos of Lewis Hamilton's bird in the shower.
 
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Trevor Rowlands

Well Known and Active Forum User
Non-VOC Member
There was a young lady from Madras
who had such a wonderfull a...s
it was not rounded and pink
as most people think
but grey with long ears and ate grass

Merry Christmas.
 
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alan wright

Guest
There was a young lady called Annie
Went in the sea up to her knees


I know it doesn't rhyme........................................but it will do when the tide comes in !!!
 
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tonythecat

Well Known and Active Forum User
Non-VOC Member
An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.

There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap.

On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.


Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."

The priest replies: "Get out. You're on my side."
 
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tonythecat

Well Known and Active Forum User
Non-VOC Member
The only cow in a small town in Scotland stopped giving milk.

The town folk found they could buy a cow in Wales quite cheaply.

They brought the cow from Wales and it was wonderful, produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.

They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again.

They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away.

No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he was never able to do the deed..

The people were very upset and decided to go the Vet, who was very wise, tell him what was happening and ask his advice.

"Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away.

If he approaches from the back, she moves forward, they said ,

When he approaches her from the front, she backs off.

If he attempts from the one side, she walks away to the other side.

"The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking,

"Did you by chance, buy this cow in Wales ?"

The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Wales .

"You are truly a wise Vet," they said.

"How did you know we got the cow from Wales ?

"The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye,

"My wife is from Wales "
 
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