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doctor doctor

Comet

Well Known and Active Website User
VOC Member
doctor, doctor, with all the excitement of Christmas I can't sleep.

try sleeping on the edge of your bed, you'll soon drop off.
 

Tom Gaynor

Well Known and Active Website User
VOC Member
Doctor, doctor

Doctor: I think I'm a pair of curtains.
Pull yourself together, man!

Doctor, I think I'm a billiard ball!
I don't care. Get to the end of the queue.

(Tom)
 

nkt267

Well Known and Active Website User
VOC Member
Golfer.
Doctor I'm having trouble when I play Golf..On the first 9 I feel like a Wigwam and on the second 9 I feel like a marquee.

Doctor.Your trouble is you're 2 tense. John
 

Howard

Well Known and Active Website User
VOC Member
Doctor : Go to the window and stick your tongue out.

Patient : Is the light better over there?

Doctor : No. I just don't like the guy across the road!

Tommy Cooper - Gone but not forgotten.

H :D
 

mr.hutch

Well Known and Active Website User
VOC Member
As this is the season to be 'jolly', would not the five line stanza of a Limeric or two be out of order?
A long time favourite is:-

On the breasts of a barmaid from Sale,
was written the price of the ale,
and on her behind,
for the sake of the blind,
the same thing was written in braile.







Although, having looked at what I have just typed,
I feel that in these politically correct times, this may, be considered unacceptable, so please ignore, after reading if you wish and accept my apology.

go carefully mr.hutch :)
 

Comet

Well Known and Active Website User
VOC Member
Father Christmas was broken one Christmas Eve. He managed to flag down a passing motorist and ask " can you help me fix my sledge?" the motorist apologised saying "I'm not a mechanic, I'm a chiropodist". "Oh" said santa "well could you give me a toe?"

:D:D
It's the way I spell 'em
 

Rapide

Well Known and Active Website User
VOC Member
Patient: Doc, will I be able to read with these glasses?
Doc: You sure will.
Patient: That's great! I never could read before.
 

Graham Smith

Well Known and Active Website User
VOC Member
VOC Forum Administrator
VOC Forum Moderator
Patient: Doctor Doctor, I think I'm invisible...
Doctor: Who said that?
 

Tom Gaynor

Well Known and Active Website User
VOC Member
Knock, knock

Who's there?
He says he's the invisible man.
Tell him I can't see him.

Who's there?
The garbage man.
Tell him we don't want any.

both courtesy Marx Brothers.

Cleanish limericks? Now THERE'S a challenge.

Even for a scrap-man from Scunthorpe. (Just testing, Graham...)

Tom
 

Comet

Well Known and Active Website User
VOC Member
A fairy has a hard time,
up where the tinsel flickers,
a wand of gold is in her hand,
and a fir tree up her knickers.
 

mercurycrest

Well Known and Active Website User
VOC Member
Eight year old little Willie is dragged home by little Mary's mother for playing Doctor with her. "Let's not be too hard on them, sex is bound to be a point of curiosity to them",say's Willy's mum. "Sex, Hell!" replies Mary's mum. " he's removed her appendix!":cool:
 

John Cone

Well Known and Active Website User
VOC Member
I recieved this one the other day and it had me in stitches. One word change to keep it semi clean. Use the imagination boys.

Took my dad to the shopping centre the other day to buy some new
shoes (he is 84).

We decided to grab a bite at the food court.

I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him

The teenager had spiked hair in all different colours: green, red,
orange, and blue.

My dad kept staring at him.

The teenager would look away, look back and he would still be
staring.

When the teenager had enough of the 'scrutiny', he sarcastically
asked:

'What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your
life?'

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not
choke on his response;
(knowing he would have a good one).

And in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response:

"Got stoned once and s_____d a peacock. Just wondering if you
were my son?"




 

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