doctor doctor
- Thread starter Comet
- Start date
A distraught young girl ran into a local pharmacy. Quick, she cried, my little bunny has been hit by a yob on a Vincent. The pharmacist grabbed a bottle & ran after her. The rabbit was definitely an ex-rabbit, it was not going to munch on any more carrots. The pharmacist sprinkled a few drops out of the bottle onto the rabbit. Within seconds it was up & bobbing about. "Amazing" said the girl, "What sort of magic is that?".
"Hare restorer" replied the pharmacist.
"Hare restorer" replied the pharmacist.
A Platoon was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi insurgent, badly injured and unconscious.
On the opposite side of the road was a British soldier in a similar but less serious state. The soldier was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the platoon commander asked the injured soldier what had happened.
The soldier reported, "I was moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road.
I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved, and he yelled back that Gordon Brown is a fat, good-for-nothing, left wing half-blind Jock, and Lord Mandelson is a cross-dressing power mad idiot.
So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian.
He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well, so does Harriet Harman!"
"And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a bus hit us
On the opposite side of the road was a British soldier in a similar but less serious state. The soldier was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the platoon commander asked the injured soldier what had happened.
The soldier reported, "I was moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road.
I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved, and he yelled back that Gordon Brown is a fat, good-for-nothing, left wing half-blind Jock, and Lord Mandelson is a cross-dressing power mad idiot.
So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian.
He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well, so does Harriet Harman!"
"And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a bus hit us
The beautiful widow Smith died and went to heaven. At the pearly gates she met St Peter and asked whether it would be possible to meet up with her late husband, Mr Smith. "Well", said St Peter, "we do have an awful lot of Mr Smiths here. Is there anything else you can tell me abut him?" "On Earth", said the widow Smith "he was called Fred Smith. Is that any help?" "Well once again" said St Peter, "we do have an awful lot of Fred Smiths here. Is there anything else you can tell me about him?" "Well the last thing he said to me before he died", said the widow Smith, "was that if I was ever unfaithful to him after he died he would turn in his grave." "Ah", said St Peter, "you mean whirling Fred Smith."
Happy Xmas
Happy Xmas
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Good morning doctor, are the tests in?
Yes. Bad news. You've got four minutes to live.
Oh my god, doc, is there nothing you can do for me?
Fancy a soft-boiled egg?
Yes. Bad news. You've got four minutes to live.
Oh my god, doc, is there nothing you can do for me?
Fancy a soft-boiled egg?
I had the local butchers on the phone yesterday with a special offer for xmas - 8 legs of venison for £150.
I knocked it back - thought it was too dear
Mick
I knocked it back - thought it was too dear
Mick
As is a lot of snow over here, i incidentlly ran almost over a fox when driving my vincent, lucily I could brake (having a set of those nice 2x2 LS brakes), I jumped off to see how the foxs state was, and out of the blue the beast starts talking to me, Ha he sayed, i SEE you wonder, but in fact I can do a miracle for you, as you saved my life. Well I sayed, i am a technician, and have always fancied a bridge from Uk to New York, well now said it, thats bejond my possiblities. sorry mate. whats your next best wish?
I am working with this bunch of woman in the potteries, doing decals on the ware, please yust give me a forthnight, them yust working and not naggering and complaining about all things.
Ok OK sayd the fox this bridge is it single or dual carriage lanes.
I am working with this bunch of woman in the potteries, doing decals on the ware, please yust give me a forthnight, them yust working and not naggering and complaining about all things.
Ok OK sayd the fox this bridge is it single or dual carriage lanes.
Then there was the dyslexic who had a tragic social life. His best mate thought he' d cheer him up by taking him skiing.So the first thing the dyslexic does is go to the library to bone up.They get to the slope, a beginner's slalom and the best mate says; It's dead simple, just ZIG ZAG and I'll meet you at the bottom." The dyslexic replies,"No mate, I've done heaps of reading, it's ZAG ZIG." Things got rather heated and after ten minutes the best mate says ;"Sod this! I'm not wasting anymore good snow time arguing with you, if you don't believe me ask the next bloke up in the chair lift." The dyslexic stands there shivering, muttering "ZAG ZIG,ZAG ZIG" until the chair lift arrives with a solitary occupant." Excuse me, sport",says our hero,"this slalom is ZAG ZIG isn't it?"" Search me pal,I'm a tobogganist." "Well give us a packet of Marlboro and a box of matches then, will yer!
There was a young man called Hyde
who fell down a sewer and died.
The next day his brother
fell into another,
and now they're interred
side by side.
who fell down a sewer and died.
The next day his brother
fell into another,
and now they're interred
side by side.