Thought for the Day.
Who picks up the dog crap deposited by guide dogs for the blind?
Who picks up the dog crap deposited by guide dogs for the blind?
doctor doctor
- Thread starter Comet
- Start date
Manure etc.
I couldn't agree more Phil,
among many others, this subject was under discussion at our last Suffolk Section Sunday meet, along with many related bad experiences with arrogant and ill mannered riders of these four legged creatures, not to mention horse boxes, this county seems to be crawling with the sodd**g things, literally.
I think it was our Len who by way of lightening the mood, told of the serious problem re. the sea front at Great Yarmouth which had resulted in said animals fitted with a suitable receptacle attached at the rear end.
You know, I have this image of such a vehicle at rest, a nosebag at the front end and something similar at the rear of the power source, forming a sort of cycle of events, perhaps in the same sort of black humor seen in " Catch 22 " where the nurse simply swaps over the in/out tubes for " the man in white ", completely covered in bandages.
This simple switching of front to rear may prove to be a great economy for the owners of these wretched animals, simplicity itself, almost perfect recycling.
go carefully mr.hutch
I couldn't agree more Phil,
among many others, this subject was under discussion at our last Suffolk Section Sunday meet, along with many related bad experiences with arrogant and ill mannered riders of these four legged creatures, not to mention horse boxes, this county seems to be crawling with the sodd**g things, literally.
I think it was our Len who by way of lightening the mood, told of the serious problem re. the sea front at Great Yarmouth which had resulted in said animals fitted with a suitable receptacle attached at the rear end.
You know, I have this image of such a vehicle at rest, a nosebag at the front end and something similar at the rear of the power source, forming a sort of cycle of events, perhaps in the same sort of black humor seen in " Catch 22 " where the nurse simply swaps over the in/out tubes for " the man in white ", completely covered in bandages.
This simple switching of front to rear may prove to be a great economy for the owners of these wretched animals, simplicity itself, almost perfect recycling.
go carefully mr.hutch
In downtown Chicago, the carriage ride horses have bags at the aft end to minimize deposits. Also the Brooklyn Bridge, built in the 19th century, has a suitable gap between the deck and the railing fence for pushing the road apples into the East River. Wouldn't be very Green these days to add the manure to the harbor.
Bruce, BROWN is The Word,
All My Vinnies are popping to go
all the best
Vincent
All My Vinnies are popping to go
all the best
Vincent
A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue.
Doctor: "What happened?"
Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes
home drunk he beats me to a pulp."
Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes
home drunk, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start gargling with
it. Just gargle and gargle."
Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and
reborn.
Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came
home drunk, I gargled with chamomile tea. I gargled and gargled, and
nothing happened!"
Doctor: "You see how keeping your mouth shut helps?"
Doctor: "What happened?"
Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes
home drunk he beats me to a pulp."
Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes
home drunk, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start gargling with
it. Just gargle and gargle."
Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and
reborn.
Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came
home drunk, I gargled with chamomile tea. I gargled and gargled, and
nothing happened!"
Doctor: "You see how keeping your mouth shut helps?"
G
Graham Smith
Guest
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," replied the vet.
"How can you be so sure?" she protested... "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room..
He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.
A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. " £250?" she cried, "£250 just to tell me my duck is dead?"
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now £250."
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," replied the vet.
"How can you be so sure?" she protested... "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room..
He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.
A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. " £250?" she cried, "£250 just to tell me my duck is dead?"
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now £250."
A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith about enlarging her breasts.
Dr Smith advised her 'Every day after your shower, rub your chest and say,
'Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies!'
She did this faithfully for several months!
To her utter amazement she grew terrific D-cup boobs!
One morning she was running late, got on the bus, and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual.
Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn't recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus, closed her eyes and said, 'Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies.'
A guy sitting nearby looked at her and asked 'Oh! Are you a patient of Dr. Smith's?'
'Yes I am.. How did you know?'
He winked and whispered, ' Hickory dickory dock...'
Dr Smith advised her 'Every day after your shower, rub your chest and say,
'Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies!'
She did this faithfully for several months!
To her utter amazement she grew terrific D-cup boobs!
One morning she was running late, got on the bus, and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual.
Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn't recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus, closed her eyes and said, 'Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies.'
A guy sitting nearby looked at her and asked 'Oh! Are you a patient of Dr. Smith's?'
'Yes I am.. How did you know?'
He winked and whispered, ' Hickory dickory dock...'
The Pope and Tiger woods die on the same day and because of an
administrative
mix up the Pope went to hell and Tiger Woods went to heaven.
The Pope explains the situation to the administrative clerk in hell, and
after checking the paperwork admits
that there is an error. "However", the clerk explains, "it would be 24
hours
before it
can be rectified".
Next day the Pope is called and Hell's staff bids him farewell.
On the way up, the Pope meets Tiger Woods coming down from heaven and they
stop to have a
chat.
"Sorry about the mix up", apologises the Pope
"No problem" replied Tiger Woods,
Pope: "I am really anxious to get to heaven"
Tiger: "Why is that?"
Pope: "All my life I have wanted to meet the Virgin Mary"
Tiger: "You're a day late."
administrative
mix up the Pope went to hell and Tiger Woods went to heaven.
The Pope explains the situation to the administrative clerk in hell, and
after checking the paperwork admits
that there is an error. "However", the clerk explains, "it would be 24
hours
before it
can be rectified".
Next day the Pope is called and Hell's staff bids him farewell.
On the way up, the Pope meets Tiger Woods coming down from heaven and they
stop to have a
chat.
"Sorry about the mix up", apologises the Pope
"No problem" replied Tiger Woods,
Pope: "I am really anxious to get to heaven"
Tiger: "Why is that?"
Pope: "All my life I have wanted to meet the Virgin Mary"
Tiger: "You're a day late."
I was wondering if the Administrative Clerk in Heaven was named Helen Frye? You know, like if you had a problem, you could always go to Helen Frye.
Guess I've got too much time on my hands. Cheers, John
Guess I've got too much time on my hands. Cheers, John