Flying Joke

[bmetcalf]

A man boards an airliner, takes his seat, and is surprised to find a large purple parrot in the seat next to him. The aircraft takes off and a pretty flight attendant walks down the aisle past the man and his seat mate.
"Hey, bitch, "says the parrot, "bring me a whiskey and soda, and make it snappy!"
The FA looks annoyed, but walks on. A minute later, she walks back up the aisle, and the parrot pipes up again:
"Goddammit, you lazy whore, where's my whiskey? Hurry it up! " Visibly flustered, the FA hurries up the aisle and returns quickly with the parrot's drink.
Impressed with the parrot's technique, the man decides to get some quick service for himself.
Hey, slut, " says the man, "get me a dry martini. And don't drag your sorry ass - I want it right now! "
The FA turns red with anger and runs to the front of the plane. In a moment she returns with the First Officer and two burly male flight attendants.
The crewmen seize the passenger and the parrot, jerk open the emergency door, and hurl them both out of the airplane at 20, 000 feet.
As the two hurtle out the door, the parrot says to the man, "Ya know, for someone who can't fly, you got a lotta balls."

 

[timetraveller]

And in this vein

Dear Technical Support,

18 months ago, I upgraded to GirlFriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run GirlFriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.

To make matters worse, GirlFriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Fottball 4.5, and Playboy 6.9. Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better.

I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.

Eventually, I tried to run GirlFriend 1.2 and GirlFriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware.

I eventually upgraded to Fiancee 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus and Cleanhouse 2007.

Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them.

Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and Email filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and Multi-Whinge. These latter products have to Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is.

Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Saab 93 Convertible hard drive, it often crashes.

Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called Mother-In-Law, which can't be turned off. Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2007, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2007, it tends to delete all your Money before uninstalling itself.

 

[mr.hutch]

As I read this, it's just one of the funniest things yet that I can identify with this week.
Great stuff, Timetraveller.